Holy Moley

The girls and I were in the waiting room at the dermatologist today when a little boy who was three or four came back through the waiting room after his appointment.  He was clearly looking to share his good news with someone because he made eye contact with me and came straight for us.

"Know what!?  My mole is gone!"

"It is?  Where did it go?"

"It's in the test tube and I didn't even cry!"

"No way!  Good job!"

I mean, if this isn't exciting news people, then I don't know what is....

Professional

I came across this little gem and I'm sure it's my favorite picture of the summer. Maybe ever.

Per Shane's own words I'll call it, "Don't worry. I'm a professional in the out-of-doors."

Make no mistake. You should worry.

Addendum to my original post:

This is a photo I took of Peyton last summer at Shasta. And if this isn't proof that we are the result of our genetic make up, well then I don't know what is....

TMI?

I know there is a lot of banter going around the internet about over sharing and the lack of tact anymore with regard to what we'll write for complete strangers to read. But, it's not like it's about me.

Last night as we waited in the car for Shane to run in to the store and grab a new bottle of children's Motrin, Peyton let fly a toot that seemed to have a little (or a lot of) substance to it. I said, "Peytie, don't. Your gonna poop your pants."

Her reply?

"No I not. I wearing leggings."

prerequisite to Parenthood

A friend of mine sent this to me in an email and I loved it because it reeeeeeeally speaks to me at this stage of our lives. Plus it just made me laugh. I especially loved the part about the goats. Try it. You could probably substitute cats for goats if you have better access to cats. Enjoy....

Thinking of having kids? Try this 11 step program first....

Lesson 1

1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2

Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their...
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3

A really good way to discover how the nights might feel...
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)

Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4

Can you stand the mess children make? T o find out...
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains.
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them on the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons. How does that look?

Lesson 5

Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.

Time allowed for this - all morning.

Lesson 6

Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment.
Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7

Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8

1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.

You are now ready to feed a nine- month-old baby.

Lesson 9

Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street , Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10

Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11

Start talking to an adult of your choice. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10 above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

This is all very tongue in cheek; anyone who is parent will say 'it's all worth it!' Share it with your friends, both those who do and don't have kids. I guarantee they'll get a chuckle out of it. Remember, a sense of humor is one of the most important things you'll need when you become a parent!

For anyone else reading this - I'm thrilled that you are all enjoying it, as I did - immensely. However, I DID NOT write it! It was sent in an email from a friend of mine... and I'm not sure who the original author is.

Christmas Performance

Libby's School Christmas program was on Thursday night. I'd hoped that she'd sing, but wasn't holding my breath. The last time her class sang, she sat on my lap and cried. I wasn't in a hurry to get to the performance, because I thought if we were near the front, where she could see us, it would surely increase the chance of a four-year-old nuclear meltdown. When we got there, the only seats left were the last two pews in the church. I wanted to be hidden, just not that hidden.

Anyway, people filed into the church after us and the isles against the walls started to fill in with people willing to stand. Nelson and Valerie snagged a seat behind us, at the other end of the pew, near the middle isle. When the classes of preschoolers came in, I scanned each class looking for Libby and crossing my fingers. When I spotted her she was marching happily with her classmates smiling as she came. And then she spotted (we think) Nelson and Valerie, two people she knows and loves like family. And that's when she exploded right smack in the middle (literally) of the church. I ducked down and told my mom, "I think I'll let her teacher deal with this one." I was prepared to wait it out hunkered down in my seat until the crying ceased, but Anita (the mother of Libby's best friend and classmate) saw what was happening and jumped out of her seat to console my crying child. When I peeked up over the heads of the people sitting in front of me, I could see Anita and Libby's teacher desperately scanning the crowd looking for me. Busted. I went up the side isle saying to people, "Excuse me. Hi. Excuse me. I'm the mother of the crier." Libby and her teacher continued with the preschool procession up the main isle and I met them up front to intercept my child on stage. Sigh.

I was sure the story would end here....

...and we'd try again next year.

But, it didn't.

Luckily, Libby's class was the last to sing and as the other classes gave their performances it gave me time to talk to Libby. I told her, "I know this is hard for you, but Daddy and I really want you to try. Please try." And she said she would. And then she did. She got up and sang with her class. Since I was now sitting on the floor in front of the stage, every once in a while she'd glance over at me and start to whimper, but as soon as she'd look at her teacher again, she was fine. She even sang. It was awesome.

Next year, we'll all sit in the balcony. She'll never spot us up there.

Laughing 'Till it Hurts

We were in Bend last week to celebrate our buddy Greyson's birthday at Bouncin' Off the Wall. Libby shows no fear on the slide. It was a Super Hero Party, so naturally, our girls wore tutus.

The Birthday Boy...

Ready for lunch!

Peyton is loving her tutu, probably because Libby usually wears hers to dance class.
Peyton looks on and dreams of the day she can join dance class too. This day she was rockin' the tutu and her Converse high tops. Who says we don't do fashion? Libby is hidden somewhere under the parachute.
Post-dance snuggles.
We were back in Bend this weekend and the weather was awesome! I snowboarded with Shane on Friday and met my friend Mo and her son Will for lunch at the Old Mill on Saturday.

After lunch at Red Robin.....
This is where the hysteria began. Will was exhausted and in no mood to smile for the camera. This is one of three pictures I took where Libby wouldn't uncover her face. And Peyton was just Peyton, along for the ride and taking cues from her (slightly) older peers. Just after I snapped this shot, Will got his second wind and spotted (across the grass) a dispenser for plastic bags for picking up your dog's poo if you're walking the trail along the river.
He took off, and before Mo could catch up to him.....
Cue Mama....
Tug-o-war ensues, though Mo was seriously outmatched holding a bag, a balloon and Red Robin leftovers....
Mo frantically tries (without success) to stuff bags back into the dispenser while I laugh hysterically from behind my camera.....
....and the winner is....... Will!

Will made it back to where the girls and I were hysterical at the whole scene, proud of himself for a job well done. Then, he turned and sprinted for the dispenser again. Luckily, in his exhaustion, he fell before he could get there. Mo was HOT on his trail this time, and had to hurdle him to avoid landing on him. More laughter from me and the girls.

The reprimand. More laughing.
We watched the whole scene from here. Through my own fits of laughter I kept telling Libby what a naughty thing to do this was. I'm telling you, she can't wait to get her own little mitts on a roll of those bags....
We're home now and we only had time tonight for dinner, baths and freshly painted nails. I did Libby's and Shane couldn't stand it. As soon as I got polish on Libby's last nail, he snagged it so he could do Peyton. Then, he proceeded to tell me how I could've done a better job on Libby. Please. I'm married to a girly-girl.
What a great Daddy. We're painting his nails tomorrow.

Important Information....Please Read!

I got this warning in an email from my sister. I hope it will save you some grief. Please read it!

Tick Warning!

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it myself a couple times unintentionally...but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want to see you naked.

(I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid...) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha............